June 13, 2011

Change: Slow to Immaterialize

My newbie posts to-date have been primarily preparation and inspiration. The actuality so far is much more incremental than I hoped. But since it's all in my control, why is it slower than I'd like? --Life happens. Company arrived, I fell sick with flu, and time marched on. I'm still not back to my pre-flu health, but the company has departed and I am again becoming excited about taking the next steps in establishing my less than wasteful routines.

And since this lifestyle isn't a fad, and beating myself up for not doing it well enough just yet isn't a healthy motivator (though of course I don't enjoy the feeling that I am not measuring up to living what are my standards for a less wasteful life), I consider it a step in the right direction just that my eyes are open, and change is in progress. It's not an if or when, it's happening! --Just slower than I'd dramatized inside and out.  I wonder whether I would have the wherewithal to be so stick-to-it-like were I otherwise fully employed and creatively and energetically spent? Worse. I wonder whether the desire would even have taken hold in such a regular lassitude. I honestly don't know. But don't get me wrong, I enjoy working...but until I have my house in order, I'm not ready to squeeze all of my juiciest energy anywhere else.

I also know it would be infinitely more difficult to set up the foundation of this or any new lifestyle while otherwise engaged (in work) in my life. So I'm grateful for my present homemaker station. Okay, homemaker isn't the right word, but I don't yet know what the right word is. Unemployed is far from right. I'm in search mode, the search to establish and create my home life to be the way I believe it should be, instead of continuing to exist in it the way I had bygone, due simply to the lack of available energy to make it any other way. So what will the week bring in changes...I certainly don't know and I honestly can't wait to find out.

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